Monday, December 8, 2008

Im bored.. Life is still the same for me.. Everyday is like any other day. The sun rises, i wake up.. and everything else are the same. When can something different happen? Im starting to hate part of my life. I dont know. I sometimes wish im someone else. Prettier, cleverer and more..
BUt if im that another person, will i be who i am now? I dont know.. Maybe im a bitch or so.. Well, i guess, if im the another person, i will be the opposite of me now.. what would life means? Would i have great parents like my lovely parents.. WOuld i have a great bestfriend..
Would i live a so-so life? what would it be like?
I guess, i dont know.. SOmetimes i dream of being a very beautiful person, but inside that beauty lives a horrible person, black hearted and though everyone loves her beautiful face, they hate her for her ugly heart. WIll i be that person if im like her? What if i changed suddenly?
Or.. I choose another path..
Who knows if my looks becomes like her, but my heart stays the same.. Not to bad or good.. NEutral.. Im just happy that im me..

I have these stupid thoughts these days.. What if my dad aint with us. What if my mom aint with us anymore.. WHat would life be?

I dont know why i think of all these. BUt it just bothers me.. What if i dont have my dad anymore? MY life would be a disaster. He cares and loves me.. HE accepts me for who i am and is proud of me.. HE wants me to be the best and supports me all the way.. IF he aint here anymore, what would my world be like.. I dont know. ITs unimaginable.. Its soo hard and i dont think i can make it to the next round of life.. What and why.. I just dont know. I love him soo much but i can never show that.. HE noes it wwell and knows that i dont show compassion with others.. I love him even if he does anything stupid and i will take care of him in his old days and cherrish his last moment!

What if my mom aint here with me anymore?

ITs the most horrible thing to imagine. My mom may not know me well, but shes my mother.. I love her because of that.. EVen though we may not be kinda close, she tries her best to put a smile on my face. I share all my secrets with her.. Boys or no boys.. Problems or not.. SHe may not get it, but she knows that im trying to closen the bond.. I love her. THats all.. Even if shes the world most evil mom, she's still my mom.. SHe gave birth to me and takes care of me when im still a baby till im older.. I will take care of her in her golden years, making her smile and cherish the last moment she has with me..

I Donno.. To me, my parents may be strict but they does that for my future.. THey want the best for me.. They want me to not fall into their footsteps and want me to be happy.. THey worked from early morning to late night.. Just to put food on the table and smiles on my sis and i faces.. BUt sometimes, i took it for granted.. THey work DAMN HARD and all i did was spent money like its nothing.. IT is something though its just papers with money printing on it.. They work hard to get it.. ANd i feel really guilty..
I love them. But how am i gonna show my love to them.. Its complicated.. All i could do is kiss them goodnight and tell them how much i love them. ITs that enough? I donno whats the right thing to do.. HOW to show them how i truly love them and wish that they could be by my side until im ready to let go, but still supports me when im down..

I know one day i have to say goodbye, but i wish its not now.. It hurts too much just thinking about it. IF i cried damn hard when they gave away my cat, what about them away from me Forever! Would life be miserable? Would i be strrong to accept it. Will I get the chance to say I LOVE YOU before its too late? I never know.. Its something i dont want to think of at the moment, but i know, that day is coming.. BUt i really do hope its never gonna be now.. I havent seen them really happy or glad..

I have only one thing to acomplish in my life..
To put a smile on their faces and wants them to have no worries cause im gonna be there to solve all sorts of problems.. THough im not perfect and all, i know that if i put my heart into it, i will accomplish it.

Ciaosss