Resistance♥

Monday, February 23, 2009

He had never been this late. waiting here, under this moonless night, cold as hell and dark pitch black, there i sat, waiting for him, at the place we first met. Oh how long ago was that. Those little moments are memories that is precious and i don't wish to live it is ever taken away from me.

Where can he be? Is he on his way? Did he wake up late? Well, it's the first time ever, he's late. He had never been late for any of our dates before, but today, it's different. He wanted to meet me, to tell me something, but what is it? The urgency in his voice when he asked me to meet him, it was something.. But i can't put my finger into it.

I waited and waited. Cars zoomed by, people walking by, looking at me questioningly. "Why is this girl sitting here in the middle of a rainy night?" Well, they don't have to say it out loud. Their faces already did show it all. Oh how i wish he could quicken his steps and meet me soon. Oh how much i hate waiting! Where are you, my dear..

I stood up, looking at the sky. It's gonna rain all night, and if i don't get home soon, I'm dead meat! Daddy hates it when I'm late and Mommy is going to start her stupid nagging once more. Oh, what a life at home. How i wish i would just get out of that house and never come back. The feeling is so strong. What would it be like if he and i live together? Wouldn't life be amazing? Two people in love living under the same roof, sleep in the same bed, watch the same TV and eating at the same dinner table? Life would be great.

Thinking bout the future of mine and his always make me lost count of time. I shook my head and looked forward. I became agitated and turned to the seat and sat again. I looked at my birthday gift, a couple watch he bought for me a few weeks back, and smiled. Oh how much he cared. Again, i left myself imagining bout us again. What would life be if he's not by my side?

The night turned noisy all of a sudden. The song "Your Call" played loudly and pulled me back to the dark life of reality. I sighed and picked the call without looking at the receiver.

"Hey dummy. Where are you? I've been waiting for you for almost half an hour and where are you now? I'm getting tired of waiting. If you're not here in...."i smiled, saying all these when..

"Um.. Hello, I'm sorry, but are you Ms Jane?" the voice on the other end speak in an alert voice.

"Uh, yeah! Who are you??" I asked questioningly. Did Amy passed my number to another guy again? How dare she? She passed my number to every guy that asked for her number. Most guys are rejects. And she only kept the hot ones to herself. Well, why should i care bout all these? I have a freaking hot boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, Ms. But do you have any relation to Mr. Shawn?"he asked me, even more alert then before.

"Yes, he's my boyfriend. Who are you exactly?" I asked, having a bad feeling bout the news I'm about to get.

"If you're standing, please sit," he said calmly. The voice sounds hot and Woohoo! Who the hell is this guy? Is he pranking me?

"I'm sitting. What the HELL is going on?" i shouted on the phone, causing a couple dating near the bus stop end.

"I'm sorry to say but Mr Shawn was involved in a car accident on his way to meet you. He didn't make it and was dead when ambulance came," the guy said, his voice calm as an angel.

I was stunned. I didn't move a single muscle. My eyes started to get teary and the whole world started to spin really really fast. "Where in the world is he?" i shouted on the phone.

The whole world turned dark and.........................

Kamenashi Kazuya♥WiyahTay

7:11 PM

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Jason Mraz is HOT! Hahas! Now i just know sehh!

I love luthfi.. End of story..

I don't really care anymore. Love is soo fake. Love is nothing. Love is just a feeling i had for him.

A feeling that make me sad and a feeling that hurts me like hell..

Luthfi, i tried soo hard to forget you.. But of course, the moment i forget you,

Kamenashi Kazuya♥WiyahTay

9:50 PM

Monday, February 16, 2009

Here's the thing we started out friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since U Been Gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah Yeah
Since U Been Gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But Since U Been Gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since U Been Gone

How can I put it? You put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah
Since U Been Gone

How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But Since U Been Gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get (I get) what I want
Since U Been Gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since U Been Gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get, I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get, I get what I want
Since U Been Gone
Since U Been Gone
Since U Been Gone

Kelly Clarkson

Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without

Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see

Taylor Swift

I dream a lot, I know you say
I've got to get away.
"The world is not yours for the taking"
Is all you ever say.
I know I'm not the best for you,
But promise that you'll stay.
Cause if I watch you go,
You'll see me wasting, you'll see me wasting away

Cause today, you walked out of my life
Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.

Goodbyes are meant for lonely people standing in the rain
And no matter where I go it's always pouring all the same.
These streets are filled with memories
Both perfect and in pain
And all I wanna do is love you
But I'm the only one to blame.

Cause today, you walked out of my life
Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.

But what do I know, if you're leaving
All you did was stop the bleeding.
But these scars will stay forever,
These scars will stay forever
And these words they have no meaning
If we cannot find the feeling
That we held on to together
Try your hardest to remember

Stay with me,
Or watch me bleed,
I need you just to breathe.

Cause today, you walked out of my life
(Stay with me, or watch me bleed)
Cause today, your words felt like a knife
(I need you just to breathe.)
I'm not living this life

Secondhand Serenade

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
Call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and pollished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
[X4]
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Secondhand Serenade

Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in
Because it's cold outside, cold outside, it's cold outside
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Because it's cold inside, cold inside, it's cold inside

And your slowly shaking finger tips
Show that you're scared like me so
Let's pretend we're alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don't care

Tell me, tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
Impossible

I was born to tell you I love you
Isn't that a song already
I get a B in originality
And it's true I can't go on without you
Your smile makes me see clear
If you could only see in the mirror what I see

And your slowly shaking finger tips
Show that you're scared like me so
Let pretend were alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don't care

Tell me, tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
Impossible

Slow down girl you're not going anywhere
Just wait around and see
Maybe I am much more, you never know what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone, I can be anything
Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed
I can be anyone, anything I promise I can be what you need

Tell me, tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
Impossible

Secondhand Serenade

I have to wonder if this wave's too big to ride
Commit or not commit in such a crazy tide
It's sooner than I thought but you called me out
I lost control and there's no doubt, I'm gonna start all over!

Out of the fire and into the fire again
You make me want to forget and start all over
Here I come straight out of my mind or worse
Another chance to get burned and start all over
I'm gonna start all over

Fantastic and romantic, all a big surprise
You've got the warning hesitation pushed aside
It's sooner than I want but you caught my heart
I guess I'm ready now to start, I'm gonna start all over!

Out of the fire and into the fire again
You make me want to forget and start all over
Here I come straight out of my mind or worse
Another chance to get burned and start all over
I'm gonna start all over

It's so easy, you disrupt me, can't complain
It's so easy, you disrupt me, can't complain
It's so easy, you disrupt me, can't complain
It's so easy, you disrupt me
I'm gonna start all over, start all over!

Out of the fire and into the fire again
You make me want to forget and start all over
Here I come straight out of my mind or worse
Another chance to get burned and start all over

Out of the fire and into the fire again
You make me want to forget and start all over
Here I come straight out of my mind or worse
Another chance to get burned and start all over
I'm gonna start all over

MIley Cyrus (i donno if this song really make me feel better, but no harm listening)

Uh oh
There you go again
Talking cinematic
Yeah you
Your charming
Got everybody starstruck
I know, how you always seem to go,
For the obvious,
Instead of me
But get a ticket and you'll see

Chorus:
If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend
That you'd fall in love with
In the end
We'd be laughin'
Watchin' the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play the happy song
(Yeah)

Yeah, yeah
When you call me
I can hear it in your voice
Oh sure, wanna see me and tell me all about her
La, La
I'll be actin' through my tears
Guess you'll never know
That I should win an Oscar for this scene I'm in

Chorus:
If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend
That you'd fall in love with
In the end
We'd be laughin'
Watchin' the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play the happy song

Wish I could tell you there's a twist
Some kind of hero in disguise
And were together, it's for real, now playin'
Wish I could tell you there's a kiss
Like somethin' more than in my mind
I see it
Could be amazing(amazing)

(If we were a movie)If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy (guy)
And I'd be the best friend
That you'd fall in love with
In the end
We'd be laughin'
Watchin' the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play the happy song

(Chorus)

If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend
That you'd fall in love with
In the end
We'd be laughin'
Watchin' the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play the happy song

Miley Cyrus

Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
You give love a bad name

An angel's smile is what you said
You promise me heaven, then put me through hell
Chains of love got a hold on me
When passion's a prison, you can't break free

You're a loaded gun
There's nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done

[Chorus:]
Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
You give love a bad name

Paint your smile on your lips
Blood red nails on your fingertips
A school boy's dream, you act so shy
Your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye

You're a loaded gun
There's nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done

[Chorus]

Bon Jovi

Credits to http://www.elyrics.net for the lyrics!

Kamenashi Kazuya♥WiyahTay

9:12 PM

one, two, three, four.

shha, shha, shha

i probably shouldn't say this,

but at times i get so scared,

when i think about the previous,

relationship we shared.

It was awesome but we lost it,

it's not possible for me, not to care,

and now we're standin' in the rain,

but nothings ever gonna change,

until you hear, my dear

The seven things i hate about you,

the seven things i hate about you, oh you,

you're vain, your games,

you're insecure,

you love me, you like her,

you make me laugh, you make me cry,

i don't know which side to buy,

your friends, their jerks,

when you act like them, just to know it hurts,

i want to be with the one i know,

and the 7th thing i hate the most that you do,

you make me love you,

it's awkward and silent,

as i wait for you to say,

what i need to hear now,

is your sincere apology,

when you mean it, i'll believe it,

if you text it i'll delete it, let's be clear,

oh i'm not comin' back,

you're taken 7 steps here,

The seven things i hate about you,

you're vain, your games,

you're insecure,

you love me, you like her,

you make me laugh, you make me cry,

i don't know which side to buy,

your friends their jerks,

when you act like them, just to know it hurts,

i want to be, with the one i know,

and the 7th thing i hate the most that you do,

you make me love you,

And compared to all the great things,

it would take to long to write,

i probably should mention the seven that i like,

The seven things i like about you,

your hair, your eyes, your old levi's,

when we kiss i'm hypnotized,

you make me laugh, you make me cry,

but i guess that's both i'll have to buy,

your hands in mine,

when we're intertwined, everythings alright,

i want ot be with the one i know,

and the 7th thing i like the most that you do,

you make me love you, shha you do, ohhh,

oooooooooh, ooooooooooooooh, lalala la,

oooooooooh, ooooooooooooooh.

Miley Cyrus 7 things

Who said life's fair and great? Well, if you say so, get out of my blog. And come back once you realise that it isn't what you thought it is!

Well, what a sucky way to start a week.. My dear darling EX-BOYFRIEND somehow DOESN't TAKE me as his gf at all.. hahas, yay, clap for this IDIOT who believed him! Well, come on people, clap for me. isn't it nice to clap at people's mistake? Well, now is the time to clap.

He wants BLOWJOB, FINGER-FUCk, should i list more? WEll, you get the idea. Well, all he really wanted are all these FUCKING nonsense! I still can't believe i WAS or WASN't in a DAMN relationship with HIM! YAY, clap again!!

Well, his last sentence was hurtful. I lost my spirit the moment i read it. I became a dumb body walking around, not knowing what to do. It's stupid i know, ask my mom, if u don't believe me. She tried making me laugh, but in the end, my sister VOMITED at PIZZA HUT - lose face arhh!!

Well, then, i wasn't myself today too.. I have no spirit and there's emptiness in me. Funny Jokes aren't funny, laughing and smilling is hard and i forced myself to it, food taste like nothing and everything doesn't go well. I don't feel good, i felt like vomiting after eating, and my stomach hurts as it follows my moody mood.

Every one of my friends tried making me happy today, well, they SUCCEEd until HE messaged me and asked if we can meet up?

i asked: For what?

He said: Do what couples do! Like i told you..

Me: No thanx, after what you said yesterday, no thanx!

HIm: I'm sorry(in malay).. Pls..

Me: I don't know if i want to forgive you . You asked for forgiveness because you want all those. I'm sorry, but it's just hard to make a decision now..

Well, the day then became worser and worser. My hubby- ADAM, was asking me what happened to me today? I have no mood to share.. He was also in his moody mood. Ha, that makes the two of us. Two moody people on the same fucking day in the same country. Ha, what does this tell us?

Im tired.. And my head has been making me crazy the whole day. I kept remembering him from the first time i saw him and till the last i seen him.

I still love him. Radhiah hates him like hell. Theresa was there comforting me and tell me some experienced story like this happened to her and well, she survived. Thanx dears. Elfira sent a shocking message. She called him a JERk. Well, i'm proud of you, sweetheart. Thanxx soo much

To all my friends who tried making me happy today, sorry if it didn't work. I'm tired of smiling. I'm just tired. I don't feel like going to school too, cause i feel really sick. Thanx guys, love you all..

I fell in love with him the first time our eyes met,

I fell in love with him since that day on.

At first, i just wanted friendship,

But a crush developed and there's no turning back

For years i have seen him from far,

Trying to learn him,

Wanting to know more bout him.

It was this one day,

we both became friends,

After knowing each other for almost 5 years,

Smiling at each other when our eyes met,

Tried talking but ended up a failing mission,

After all those efforts trying to get his attention.

That very day,

An hour past midnight,

I got to know him more.

His name, his age, his everything.

I was happy and wanted to keep him as a friend.

The crush grew stronger and stronger,

But we became further apart.

Conversations became shorter,

Messages became one treasure to me.

What a sick life i had until that day,

I confessed to him.

The day he told me that he treated me as his girlfriend.

The day we both became couples,

The date was 13 February 2009,

Friday the 13th,

A day before Valentine.

It was not bad until he started talking bout all those stuffs.

I was against it at first,

but then, i started to play along.

I felt embarrassed of myself telling this.

I started to think.

what if i does all this,

What if he dumps me after that.

What if this and that.

Lots of questions appeared in my head.

Does he really love me like he claimed?

I got my answer a day after Valentine,

An answer that change me,

An answer that i realised i had never wished i to be found out,

An answer that broke my heart in more than million of pieces,

An answer that change my view of him,

An answer i finally learned that i had wasted time waiting.

He wasn't meant for me,

I'm not his type.

He is just no mine.

Beauty really is deceiving.

Behind a handsome face,

Lies a man that hurts others.

I loved him still,

though friends of mine wanted me to forget him.

How can i?

I'm gonna see him this thursday and so on.

Will i ever get my spirit back.

Will i ever fall in love again?

Will i ever smile and laugh again?

Will i feel happy deep down again?

Will i get to forget him forever?

The answers are blur to me.

Wait a month to see how it affected me?

I love you luthfi.

Love you soo much,

that i know we aren't meant for each other.

Those days we were as a couple,

though you said you never really took me as your girlfriend,

It was the best days i ever had with any guy!

You may hurt me,

Yet i still have the heart to love you.

You're different boy,

just change for the better.

I'll miss you, Goodbye

Kamenashi Kazuya♥WiyahTay

8:21 PM

Sunday, February 15, 2009

In this dark room, i sat all alone. The light of the computer screen filled the room but it doesn't make me feel safe and secure. I love you, darling.. but do you feel that too? Hearing the song Fall For You, how i wish you could dedicate it to me. my heart is hurting and breaking, yet you're there enjoying these things you do.

I want a normal relationship. I want someone who cares about what i feel. I love you, darling. Can you love me too?

I have thought you're different! I want you to understand and wanted you to be the boyfriend that i had always wanted.. but somehow, you're just another guy who appeared as a real nice guy at first but inside that person is an evil person.

You broke my heart, and like i said, i swore you will never smile again. All those times thinking and wishing you're mine, are just waste of time! All those times, i saved a LARGE space in my heart for you, hopes high to have you taking that place, occupying that space. but, when you came to occupy it, you brought dirty things in my life.

I'm taught from young, i know what's right and wrong. What you're asking me to do, is beyond everything! Why can't you be like other NORMAL guys? I want you to be like them, regardless they're hot or not! I finally got you, my empty heart is now filled. But with what? Love? I don't think so.. It's full of regret, hate and anger. I hate myself for knowing you, i hate myself for loving you, i hate myself for letting you in my life. I hate myself for all these. I hate myself for even having you in my life.

This broken heart, is trying to heal from all those pain in the past. You opened it, ripping it, making it hard to mend. All i could do is just sit there and stare. My heart hurts even more. Falling into a pit of sharp needles or knifes, is nothing compared to the pain. I feel stupid, get it. I stood at the edge of the mountain, thinking it's the best way to see the whole picture, but somehow, i didn't know that the further i went, the more danger i put myself in.

You're the picture, I'm the dumb one, walking towards that picture, every step i took, danger starts to get greater and greater. The next thing i know is that where I'm standing, the rocks aren't strong and well, i fell. It's a long way down, every seconds of it is full of misery and hate and wishes. If i hadn't stood there, i should've been somewhere safe in the arms of the ones i love. But somehow, I'm falling, waiting for my body to crash and break into pieces. Once I'm shattered all over the floor, an ugly scene, you're just still out there. You stood there, as another mountain, so beautiful, away from where my dead body is. It's dark i know, but this is how i feel, Luthfi.

You wanted me to kept our relationship as a secret. Having you as my boyfriend is the best thing in my life. A dream come true, but somehow, you don't see it that way! Why? Are you afraid that your friends will laugh at you for having an ugly GF life me? Well, guess what.. That isn't the way, my dear love. That isn't the way. I want to change you, but well, i just can't, can i? You're stubborn and well, you don't care.

A girl's love may be exaggerating and it may seems impossible and foolish. But that's how we show it. It may come in all different ways, by showing emotions or roughness. A girl's heart is easily broken and well, take care of it well. Every girl wants the same thing, a great guy in her life, making her smile each day and tried his best to make her laugh. A girl can become dramatic or irritating, but that's just us girls! The heart is the most precious organ in the whole entire body system. It can make a person stronger or weaker. Broke her heart, she cried for days, Make her laugh, she can make you happy in the end. Loving her isn't enough. It's just a feeling you feel for her, show it. Not too much but little by little. It may not seem much but it's coming from your heart.

Can you be this guy Luthfi? Can you understand how i feel? Do you know how much pain you had cause. You asked for something that can't be replaced. I know i sound stupid, but a weak heart after being broken too many times, finally found the right one, became stronger for a day and then the whole world came toppling down. You make my life like this, darling..

Should i still be with you? or should i leave you? I waited far too long for it to happen, but please for me, understand will you. I have wanted you since i first lay eyes on you. I was still in Primary five then, young and innocent.. You were a year older and well, i did all my best to get your attention. And HELL yeah i did, darling. But you make me regret.

Life isn't like this, darling. Try and understand why one doesn't feel happy and why one felt the opposite. Different people are different. We are unique in our own ways but let me tell you something,

I LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT..

I CAN CRY FOR DAYS, REGRET FOR A WEEK.
I CAN HATE MYSELF, FOR LEAVING YOU.
BUT SOMEHOW IN THE FUTURE, I THANKED MYSELF FOR DOING WHAT I HAD TO DO.
A TINY THING CAN MAKE A LARGE CHANGE. .
I LOVE YOU AND LIKE YOU PROMISED, NEVER LEAVE ME!

Wiyah Sayang kan Luthfi selama-lamanya. Luthfi sayang Wiyah?

Kamenashi Kazuya♥WiyahTay

2:03 AM

This is how my new boyfriend feels. And this is how i feel!

I love you but u just don't really give a fucking damn rites? Do u know how much it hurts when you said all those.. I want to get to know you! U just won't let me. What the FUCK is a RELATIONSHIP if i cant get to know more about you?? I LOVE U , DAMN IT! Im Fucking HATING myself for LOVING and ADMIRING u all these years! I suck and u too! Yay..

I'm a LOSER MAGNET>! I attract LOSERS in my life and well.. Rad said i am ATTRACTED TO LOSERS AND PERVERTS! hahas!!

This is what i want:

What i want is love and a normal relationship! can u give that? No! u dont.. Im no toy, and also im no nothing! I feel stupid and dumb. Letting u in my life is a mistake.. Now ur inside, i just cant let go.. The door has locked, the key has disapeared! You are in my life, and i have no way to escape.. HELP!

I want LUTHFI to change! Change Change! I hate the FUCKING HORNY U! DAMN!

Kamenashi Kazuya♥WiyahTay

1:26 AM